A vacation day!

I took the day off to stay home with the boys. Corbin didn't sleep that well last night, and well, I just needed a break. It will be a nice one since I am usually off on Thursday and Friday. So I get a 3 day weekend in the middle of the week!!

The rest of the weeks is packed full of activity. Tomorrow, I take Connor and Carson for their 2 & 3 year pictures. I am so excited! I haven't been able to afford to take them since their last birthdays. I am hopeful that they turn out well.

Friday, Connor, Carson, & Corbin will all have their well checks. I am not looking forward to this. I love their peditrician, though, so it won't be too bad. His nurse is great, too.

So, this morning, I am relaxing, as much as I can with 3 little ones here, and having some coffee.

Today was one of those days...

You know, one of those perfect early Spring days. Just an ordinary day. The same type of day that fooled me before, the day of Steve's accident.

We are rapidly approaching the one year anniversary. I can't imagine how I am going to deal with the day, after the way I didn't handle a day like the day very well.

It's like I could relive it minute by minute. The accident happened just about NOW. I was cooking dinner, and getting annoyed that Steve wasn't there yet. He was laying in the ditch, starting the fight of and for his life. I was still just making tacos. I had no idea.

Shouldn't I have felt something? Shouldn't I have felt a jolt, a cold chill, something? Why was I so clueless?

Ya, I know that last paragraph was totally irrational. I am not real good at rational on bad days.

It's Monday Again!

The start of another work week....

Someone doesn't seem to mind>>>>>>>>>

That's baby Corbin. He is a doll baby. He is the sweetest baby on the planet. He has 2 teeth now, and he is almost 20 pounds.

Lazy Sunday!

The boys and I are just hanging out today. Carson is sitting right beside me on the computer desk, Corbin is napping with Steve, Connor is playing his PSP (Vsmile Pocket), and Cadan is just relaxing on the Spiderman couch. This is a great way to start the new week!

Today is a better day.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks at work. I have been working overtime, which is rare.

I decided I should take my day off today instead of working an extra shift. I think that was a smart move. I feel better already. I did wake up with a better attitude. I am home with my boys. I have missed them so much this week.

So, today I feel grateful. Grateful for my many, many blessings.

• I have 4 beautiful, healthy boys.
• I have a good job. A job that allows me to provide for my family.
• I have a wonderful family.
• My Mom is my best friend.
• I have a wonderful support system.
• I am making it happen. I keep on going with the Grace of God.

There is so much more. Much, much more.

So, I'm just tired.

I am so tired. I am tired of being sad, tired of being lonely. I am just damn tired.

I miss my life. I miss what could have/should have been.

Steve and I had the best 2 weeks of our marriage in the weeks before his accident. He doesn't remember those weeks. That really sucks. I barely remember them now, I just remember the peace. I want some peace.

I want my husband to feel well. I want to jump out of the bed for a new adventure in the morning. I want some normalcy.

So, what? I have so much to be grateful for. Here I whine where the whole world can hear me and what I should be doing is praising God that I have all the blessings that I do. I have the best little boys in the world. They are just.....They are awesome.

I need to just focus. Focus on the positive, much easier said than done.

Tomorrow I want to wake up with a better attitude.

Saturday was such a nice day!

That should not be remarkable. It was just one of those long exhausting, but satisfying days.

It didn't start out so great. Steve discovered a water leak in the laundry room, and then broke the main thingy (have no idea about plumbing stuff) while trying to fix it.

The kids and I needed to evacuate the premises, and I needed coffee. Oh, and I had to brush my teeth.Luckily, Mom & Dad live just down the road, so we piled in on them.

Dad is feeling better every day after having a GI bleed last week. That would not be too dangerous for most people, but he is on blood thinners, so he lost a lot of blood. He is taking iron and recovering from the blood loss. It was just so good to see him playing with the boys, just being Dad.

I made breakfast for everyone, and it was so yummy! Dad went and bought us some country ham, which is one of my favorite things, and it really hit the spot with Mom's homemade Blackberry Jam.

Cadan is sick. He has had a fever for a couple of days now, but no other complaints, so I am pretty sure it is just a virus. He was feeling pretty yucky when we arrived, but once the Motrin kicked in, he was up and about. All the boys were wild, but they are always that way at Nana and Pop Pop's.

I made an awesome beef stew for dinner! It was one of the best things that I have ever made. I did it all from scratch, too. Yum! It was perfect for this cool January evening. I made a big sugar cookie with icing for dessert.

Steve came home before the boys and me. He was resting when I got here. He doesn't have a whole lot of stamina yet, he had another surgery to repair his separated shoulder on January 15th. The accident has really taken it's toll on him, he is about 40 pounds lighter, still. He is doing great though, all things considered.

Wow! It has been a very long time since I have updated my blog! I will try to stay on top of that!

So YAY! I just wanted to share my good day!