Tired...

I really need to go to bed, I really do.

I get up at 5 am all week, and get home about 4 pm. It's a long day.

It seems as if I work two jobs, wear 2 hats, so to speak.

My commute home being my break from working outside the home to working at home. It's all very tiring.

Then again, I feel I have no room to complain. I have a nice job in a nice office. I have a great little family, with 4 (mostly) healthy kids, and a wonderful husband. I complain anyway.

How do I possibly balance this? The house is always a mess. Sometimes, I barely hang on at work, struggling just to concentrate enough to make it through the day. We don't eat well. The kids get junk food much more than I would like, we eat lots of frozen stuff.

I want to figure out how to establish a routine that will work in this busy life. Any suggestions?

My thoughts on my blog

I love blogging. I usually just write about whatever strikes me at the moment. I am not sure I have very many readers, and that's just fine with me. I like having this out here for my own reading sometimes. It reminds me of all the blessings I have.

I remember when I started this blog in June 2008. It was a theraputic experience for me. I was writing about my husband's accident. I remember the keyboard being wet from the tears I shed as I wrote those first posts describing the accident and the aftermath.

I also remember just a few short weeks ago when I posted about Steve being normal once again. That felt like the end of a book, more likely the end of a chapter. I am thankful that I have these words I have written to look back upon when the days are gloomy.

The fight to quit

Sigh.


I have failed at my attempt to quit smoking. I am so disappointed with myself. I was doing just fine until Saturday, I forgot my nicotine patch. Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to fail. I wanted to fail. The truth is that I like to smoke.

Another truth, I like to live.

Yet another, I am overweight and I am scared that not smoking will cause additional weight gain.

So, I feel backed into a corner. I can smoke because I like it, and it's easier, and I am more likely to get various forms of cancer and other nasty diseases. I can quit, and likely gain even more weight, which could lead to diabetes, there is a strong history in my family, which can lead to all kinds of other complications. On the other hand, I could feel better enough to exercise when I am not smoking. It makes me so grouchy not smoking that I just want to sit and grouch and gripe and not do anything productive like exercise.

Ugg! Do you understand the battle here?!?!?!

I certainly wish that when I decided to start this smoking stuff, I had known... Oh, wait, I did know. I was 15 years old and believe me, I knew it ALL. *sarcasm*

I have failed. Time to step it up, put on my patch, and make it through a new smoke free day.

Cadan tells me all the time, "Mom, you need to go to stop.com and log in and just stop."

If only it were that easy.