The fight to quit

Sigh.


I have failed at my attempt to quit smoking. I am so disappointed with myself. I was doing just fine until Saturday, I forgot my nicotine patch. Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to fail. I wanted to fail. The truth is that I like to smoke.

Another truth, I like to live.

Yet another, I am overweight and I am scared that not smoking will cause additional weight gain.

So, I feel backed into a corner. I can smoke because I like it, and it's easier, and I am more likely to get various forms of cancer and other nasty diseases. I can quit, and likely gain even more weight, which could lead to diabetes, there is a strong history in my family, which can lead to all kinds of other complications. On the other hand, I could feel better enough to exercise when I am not smoking. It makes me so grouchy not smoking that I just want to sit and grouch and gripe and not do anything productive like exercise.

Ugg! Do you understand the battle here?!?!?!

I certainly wish that when I decided to start this smoking stuff, I had known... Oh, wait, I did know. I was 15 years old and believe me, I knew it ALL. *sarcasm*

I have failed. Time to step it up, put on my patch, and make it through a new smoke free day.

Cadan tells me all the time, "Mom, you need to go to stop.com and log in and just stop."

If only it were that easy.