The boys are growing up too fast.
Corbin just turned two, and so far it's not terrible at all. He's actually a little sweeter, if that's even possible. His hair has grown out so now he has curls, like Cadan & Carson, but Corbin's are a bit wilder. That's just Corby, though, a bit wilder than the rest.
Connor started pre k this year and is doing great. He loves it, and he has the same teacher that Cadan had for pre k. Connor has this wonderful little personality... He loves everyone and everyone loves him. He adores his brothers, but his Daddy most of all.
Cadan is in first grade now. Wow... How did that happen? He's reading, and he writes pretty well. I had no idea how much homework a first grader would have.
Carson is 3 1/2 now... and he's just so precious. He still takes his bebe, although I know we are getting to the time that I have to take that thing away. We had a mini crisis tonight when we couldn't find it. Steve found one somewhere. Poor guy just cried when we couldn't find it. I told it was time that bebe went away, and that just broke his little heart. I held him while he cried and cried. I hate having to wipe away those baby tears.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It's Been a While
Hello, hello!
Yes, I have wimped out and not kept up with my blog. *sigh* You know how raising 4 boys and working full time will suck up all your time, or the good majority of it anyway.
So...
I feel like I am out a crossroads in my life. I feel like I need to shed this skin I wear and find a new one. Not so much on the family front, but most certainly on the career front.
I work for a HUGE corporate giant. I feel like I will never be anything but a peon here. It's exhausting to try to reach these standards that are not at all attainable. It's not just me either, my peers cannot reach these goals either.
I have a decision to make. Do I leave this job I despise? We have the savings to be comfortable for quite a while until I could secure a new job. I should be pretty marketable. I have been at my current job for almost 6 years.
I know that in this economy I should be grateful for what I have, but damn. Just damn. This place is a pit. Yes, it's a nice office. There is no manual labor. I feel as if I am wasting my brain power, certain talents that I have, I am wasting here. What talents do I have besides making babies? There are many more.
I will get back to this.
And no, I won't be leaving soon. I can't. Steve won't let me.
Yes, I have wimped out and not kept up with my blog. *sigh* You know how raising 4 boys and working full time will suck up all your time, or the good majority of it anyway.
So...
I feel like I am out a crossroads in my life. I feel like I need to shed this skin I wear and find a new one. Not so much on the family front, but most certainly on the career front.
I work for a HUGE corporate giant. I feel like I will never be anything but a peon here. It's exhausting to try to reach these standards that are not at all attainable. It's not just me either, my peers cannot reach these goals either.
I have a decision to make. Do I leave this job I despise? We have the savings to be comfortable for quite a while until I could secure a new job. I should be pretty marketable. I have been at my current job for almost 6 years.
I know that in this economy I should be grateful for what I have, but damn. Just damn. This place is a pit. Yes, it's a nice office. There is no manual labor. I feel as if I am wasting my brain power, certain talents that I have, I am wasting here. What talents do I have besides making babies? There are many more.
I will get back to this.
And no, I won't be leaving soon. I can't. Steve won't let me.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tired...
I really need to go to bed, I really do.
I get up at 5 am all week, and get home about 4 pm. It's a long day.
It seems as if I work two jobs, wear 2 hats, so to speak.
My commute home being my break from working outside the home to working at home. It's all very tiring.
Then again, I feel I have no room to complain. I have a nice job in a nice office. I have a great little family, with 4 (mostly) healthy kids, and a wonderful husband. I complain anyway.
How do I possibly balance this? The house is always a mess. Sometimes, I barely hang on at work, struggling just to concentrate enough to make it through the day. We don't eat well. The kids get junk food much more than I would like, we eat lots of frozen stuff.
I want to figure out how to establish a routine that will work in this busy life. Any suggestions?
I get up at 5 am all week, and get home about 4 pm. It's a long day.
It seems as if I work two jobs, wear 2 hats, so to speak.
My commute home being my break from working outside the home to working at home. It's all very tiring.
Then again, I feel I have no room to complain. I have a nice job in a nice office. I have a great little family, with 4 (mostly) healthy kids, and a wonderful husband. I complain anyway.
How do I possibly balance this? The house is always a mess. Sometimes, I barely hang on at work, struggling just to concentrate enough to make it through the day. We don't eat well. The kids get junk food much more than I would like, we eat lots of frozen stuff.
I want to figure out how to establish a routine that will work in this busy life. Any suggestions?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My thoughts on my blog
I love blogging. I usually just write about whatever strikes me at the moment. I am not sure I have very many readers, and that's just fine with me. I like having this out here for my own reading sometimes. It reminds me of all the blessings I have.
I remember when I started this blog in June 2008. It was a theraputic experience for me. I was writing about my husband's accident. I remember the keyboard being wet from the tears I shed as I wrote those first posts describing the accident and the aftermath.
I also remember just a few short weeks ago when I posted about Steve being normal once again. That felt like the end of a book, more likely the end of a chapter. I am thankful that I have these words I have written to look back upon when the days are gloomy.
I remember when I started this blog in June 2008. It was a theraputic experience for me. I was writing about my husband's accident. I remember the keyboard being wet from the tears I shed as I wrote those first posts describing the accident and the aftermath.
I also remember just a few short weeks ago when I posted about Steve being normal once again. That felt like the end of a book, more likely the end of a chapter. I am thankful that I have these words I have written to look back upon when the days are gloomy.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The fight to quit
Sigh.
I have failed at my attempt to quit smoking. I am so disappointed with myself. I was doing just fine until Saturday, I forgot my nicotine patch. Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to fail. I wanted to fail. The truth is that I like to smoke.
Another truth, I like to live.
Yet another, I am overweight and I am scared that not smoking will cause additional weight gain.
So, I feel backed into a corner. I can smoke because I like it, and it's easier, and I am more likely to get various forms of cancer and other nasty diseases. I can quit, and likely gain even more weight, which could lead to diabetes, there is a strong history in my family, which can lead to all kinds of other complications. On the other hand, I could feel better enough to exercise when I am not smoking. It makes me so grouchy not smoking that I just want to sit and grouch and gripe and not do anything productive like exercise.
Ugg! Do you understand the battle here?!?!?!
I certainly wish that when I decided to start this smoking stuff, I had known... Oh, wait, I did know. I was 15 years old and believe me, I knew it ALL. *sarcasm*
I have failed. Time to step it up, put on my patch, and make it through a new smoke free day.
Cadan tells me all the time, "Mom, you need to go to stop.com and log in and just stop."
If only it were that easy.
I have failed at my attempt to quit smoking. I am so disappointed with myself. I was doing just fine until Saturday, I forgot my nicotine patch. Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to fail. I wanted to fail. The truth is that I like to smoke.
Another truth, I like to live.
Yet another, I am overweight and I am scared that not smoking will cause additional weight gain.
So, I feel backed into a corner. I can smoke because I like it, and it's easier, and I am more likely to get various forms of cancer and other nasty diseases. I can quit, and likely gain even more weight, which could lead to diabetes, there is a strong history in my family, which can lead to all kinds of other complications. On the other hand, I could feel better enough to exercise when I am not smoking. It makes me so grouchy not smoking that I just want to sit and grouch and gripe and not do anything productive like exercise.
Ugg! Do you understand the battle here?!?!?!
I certainly wish that when I decided to start this smoking stuff, I had known... Oh, wait, I did know. I was 15 years old and believe me, I knew it ALL. *sarcasm*
I have failed. Time to step it up, put on my patch, and make it through a new smoke free day.
Cadan tells me all the time, "Mom, you need to go to stop.com and log in and just stop."
If only it were that easy.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The Quiet of the Night
I never knew how much I would appreciate bedtime until I had kids of my own. I remember when I was a kid, Mom & Dad would make Donna & I go to bed at 8 pm every single night. I thought that they were mean people at the time. I thought that they just wanted us out of their hair. I was right.
I guess it's not exactly that I want the kids out of my hair at bedtime. There are other good reasons for bedtime. Sleep for example. They needs lots of it to be functioning little humans. I know I need lots to function well, and well, I don't get that much, especially when I let the bedtime routine slip.
So I enjoy a few hours of the quiet of the night, after bedtime. This is the time when I can relax, or not. I can blog, or not. I can lurk at my favorite message board. I love that place. It's my "home" on the net.
I truly believe if not for the prayers sent out from around the world from the friends on my message board, my husband would not be here today. I think that desperate post was the smartest thing that I have ever done. I cried out to anyone who could hear me to please pray. They did. I just wonder how many people were reached, how many cries went out to God that night on our behalf. Certainly, my "home" on the net did not fail me. Those folks held my hand through the darkest days of my life. It was truly amazing the comfort received from virtual strangers. This is not to say that those I know in real life were not equally amazing.
These are the things I think about in the quiet of the night.
I ofter wonder how things would have turned out had I chose not to post "Prayers desperately needed." Indeed, prayers were desperately needed that night, and they were answered. Those dark days I felt so close to God. I felt His presence. I was guided by Faith. I knew that my husband was going to be here with me to raise our children.
Goodnight.
I guess it's not exactly that I want the kids out of my hair at bedtime. There are other good reasons for bedtime. Sleep for example. They needs lots of it to be functioning little humans. I know I need lots to function well, and well, I don't get that much, especially when I let the bedtime routine slip.
So I enjoy a few hours of the quiet of the night, after bedtime. This is the time when I can relax, or not. I can blog, or not. I can lurk at my favorite message board. I love that place. It's my "home" on the net.
I truly believe if not for the prayers sent out from around the world from the friends on my message board, my husband would not be here today. I think that desperate post was the smartest thing that I have ever done. I cried out to anyone who could hear me to please pray. They did. I just wonder how many people were reached, how many cries went out to God that night on our behalf. Certainly, my "home" on the net did not fail me. Those folks held my hand through the darkest days of my life. It was truly amazing the comfort received from virtual strangers. This is not to say that those I know in real life were not equally amazing.
These are the things I think about in the quiet of the night.
I ofter wonder how things would have turned out had I chose not to post "Prayers desperately needed." Indeed, prayers were desperately needed that night, and they were answered. Those dark days I felt so close to God. I felt His presence. I was guided by Faith. I knew that my husband was going to be here with me to raise our children.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Back to normal.
He finally looks "normal" again. His smile is back. If he heard me say that he would laugh and say that there is nothing normal about him.
Looking "normal" is not important, though. Not at all. It's the feeling of normal that is important. We have a routine, we eat dinner together. We enjoy each other's company. We are normal. We are a normal family, a normal couple, who had a near miss. We are going to be okay. He is going to be okay. Life is going to be okay. This is a feeling that I missed a lot. In fact, I had no idea how much I missed it until I just felt it. I was just sitting here in the back yard, talking with Steve, watching the kids play, and I looked at him and thought, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks, all at once. It's a very nice feeling.
Steve can do almost anything that he could do prior to the accident. Some days are still rough. Sometimes he helps my Dad for a few days. He and I have been working on painting the house. Right now he is under the house working on the plumbing. Jacob, his best friend, is still around, and I am so grateful for that. Most of his friends disappeared after the accident and that really hurt him. Sometimes he still slurs when he is really tired, and his face will still droop occasionally. If you never met him before the accident, you would never know.
He spends much more time with me and the kids, he is funnier and funner than ever. He tells jokes again! He smiles all the time. We talk a lot more, we love a lot better. We are friends again. We are going to make it. Our marriage feels stronger than it ever has. I think that we have survived and we are going to continue to make it.We were finally at a good place when the accident happened. Steve and I have always had a rough marriage, not bad, not great. There were lots of trust issues, and I was finally getting over them. We were getting along, the bills were paid, we started working the same shift the week before the accident. We had big plans. Then it felt like the world crumbled.
This is going to probably sound really selfish, but here goes. I feel like I am over it. The past is what it is, and it is time to go on. We have so many things to be grateful for, beautiful healthy children, birth control, I have a good job. We are healthy. I am getting the help I need for my emotional issues, and I own them now, I don't feel trapped by them. I am ready to start losing some of the 100 pounds I have gained and taking care of myself and my family. I even went and had a hair cut and color the other day. It felt so good, and it's been a LONG time.
So, life feels good again.
Thanks for reading.
Looking "normal" is not important, though. Not at all. It's the feeling of normal that is important. We have a routine, we eat dinner together. We enjoy each other's company. We are normal. We are a normal family, a normal couple, who had a near miss. We are going to be okay. He is going to be okay. Life is going to be okay. This is a feeling that I missed a lot. In fact, I had no idea how much I missed it until I just felt it. I was just sitting here in the back yard, talking with Steve, watching the kids play, and I looked at him and thought, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks, all at once. It's a very nice feeling.
Steve can do almost anything that he could do prior to the accident. Some days are still rough. Sometimes he helps my Dad for a few days. He and I have been working on painting the house. Right now he is under the house working on the plumbing. Jacob, his best friend, is still around, and I am so grateful for that. Most of his friends disappeared after the accident and that really hurt him. Sometimes he still slurs when he is really tired, and his face will still droop occasionally. If you never met him before the accident, you would never know.
He spends much more time with me and the kids, he is funnier and funner than ever. He tells jokes again! He smiles all the time. We talk a lot more, we love a lot better. We are friends again. We are going to make it. Our marriage feels stronger than it ever has. I think that we have survived and we are going to continue to make it.We were finally at a good place when the accident happened. Steve and I have always had a rough marriage, not bad, not great. There were lots of trust issues, and I was finally getting over them. We were getting along, the bills were paid, we started working the same shift the week before the accident. We had big plans. Then it felt like the world crumbled.
This is going to probably sound really selfish, but here goes. I feel like I am over it. The past is what it is, and it is time to go on. We have so many things to be grateful for, beautiful healthy children, birth control, I have a good job. We are healthy. I am getting the help I need for my emotional issues, and I own them now, I don't feel trapped by them. I am ready to start losing some of the 100 pounds I have gained and taking care of myself and my family. I even went and had a hair cut and color the other day. It felt so good, and it's been a LONG time.
So, life feels good again.
Thanks for reading.
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