I am so happy this work week is over. I am really liking my schedule, working 10 hours per day Monday through Thursday. I get three days with the boys!
We don't have any big plans this weekend. Tomorrow I have to take Corbin in for his first round of vaccinations. I am not looking forward to that. I am looking forward to getting his weight. I am guessing that he is over 12 pounds already. That little guy is doing some growing!
I also have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I am see an orthopedic hand specialist for my right wrist and hand. It has been hurting so bad this week. It seems to have come on quickly. I hope that it is something that can be treated easily.
Cadan has to take something to school tomorrow that starts with the letter I. I have no idea what to send. I will call my Mom for suggestions. She always has good ideas.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The tide seems to be turning...
and it is just a little bit scary.
I have had two really good days in a row. Two days of no arguing with Steve. Two days of enjoying the boys. Just two really nice, ordinary days.
Life seems to be falling into place. Days seem to be happy. Although, I must admit, I feel as if the rug will be pulled out from under my happy days at any second.
I sound so very ungrateful. I have many, many blessings I am blessed beyond measure. All these blessings have just come with hard lessons, especially the past 6 months.
Steve's accident fundamentally changed our lives. He no longer has the ability to provide for the family, that responsibility falls to me now. I no longer have the ability to take unpaid days off work, or be frivolous, in any way, with our money. Not that we were very frivolous before the accident, but we had some leeway. We had some luxuries then, and we still do now, they are just not as numerous.
It's not all about the money, though, not at all. Steve has always been one of the strongest (physically) people that I know. Now, he struggles with picking up the boys and playing with them. Each and every day is painful for him. His headaches are dibilatating. You can see the pain all over him. It hurt so much to see it. I have never know him to even take Tylenol on a regular basis.
The emotional impact of the accident has been tremendous. I have this anger that eats at me. As we were speaking with our attorney today, and he was going through the assets of the defendant, I felt the anger grow to an almost uncontrollable level. Not because I want anything that he has. Just because I want to change the decision that he made not to spend the small amount of money that it would have taken to fix the damn fence, and keep his livestock in the pasture. Steve's anger, well, it is almost undesirable at times.
Despite it all, as we come to the six month mark, we are stronger than ever before. Suddenly, it seems, the tide has turned. Suddenly, I feel hopeful again. Suddenly, life seems fun again.
I have had two really good days in a row. Two days of no arguing with Steve. Two days of enjoying the boys. Just two really nice, ordinary days.
Life seems to be falling into place. Days seem to be happy. Although, I must admit, I feel as if the rug will be pulled out from under my happy days at any second.
I sound so very ungrateful. I have many, many blessings I am blessed beyond measure. All these blessings have just come with hard lessons, especially the past 6 months.
Steve's accident fundamentally changed our lives. He no longer has the ability to provide for the family, that responsibility falls to me now. I no longer have the ability to take unpaid days off work, or be frivolous, in any way, with our money. Not that we were very frivolous before the accident, but we had some leeway. We had some luxuries then, and we still do now, they are just not as numerous.
It's not all about the money, though, not at all. Steve has always been one of the strongest (physically) people that I know. Now, he struggles with picking up the boys and playing with them. Each and every day is painful for him. His headaches are dibilatating. You can see the pain all over him. It hurt so much to see it. I have never know him to even take Tylenol on a regular basis.
The emotional impact of the accident has been tremendous. I have this anger that eats at me. As we were speaking with our attorney today, and he was going through the assets of the defendant, I felt the anger grow to an almost uncontrollable level. Not because I want anything that he has. Just because I want to change the decision that he made not to spend the small amount of money that it would have taken to fix the damn fence, and keep his livestock in the pasture. Steve's anger, well, it is almost undesirable at times.
Despite it all, as we come to the six month mark, we are stronger than ever before. Suddenly, it seems, the tide has turned. Suddenly, I feel hopeful again. Suddenly, life seems fun again.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween!
Today was such a good day.
This morning I spend time cuddling Carson just after he woke up. It seems like he has grown up so much in the past few months. He is talking like crazy. It is really amazing to just listen to him, and watch him play. He is such a smart little guy.
I went to Cadan's preschool Halloween party this afternoon. That was fun! He dressed up as Spiderman. I love to watch him interact with all the other children his age. Preschool has been really good for him. It has given him a stability that he was lacking at home with all the turmoil of the past few months.
Of course, this evening we went trick or treating. It was great fun! The boys were so polite, for the most part, anyway. We took my friends little boy, Oliver, with us, too. Oliver is a few months older than Connor. He is such a sweet little soul.
All of the boys were superhero's, except Corbin. He had a "My First Halloween" hat and bib, and a spooky onsie. Cadan and Oliver were Spiderman, Connor was Batman, and Carson was Superman. They ate way too much candy. That's what Halloween is all about!
Ahhh, it feels so good to look back at a day and know that it was good. I am trying to cherish that feeling. I want more of these days.
This morning I spend time cuddling Carson just after he woke up. It seems like he has grown up so much in the past few months. He is talking like crazy. It is really amazing to just listen to him, and watch him play. He is such a smart little guy.
I went to Cadan's preschool Halloween party this afternoon. That was fun! He dressed up as Spiderman. I love to watch him interact with all the other children his age. Preschool has been really good for him. It has given him a stability that he was lacking at home with all the turmoil of the past few months.
Of course, this evening we went trick or treating. It was great fun! The boys were so polite, for the most part, anyway. We took my friends little boy, Oliver, with us, too. Oliver is a few months older than Connor. He is such a sweet little soul.
All of the boys were superhero's, except Corbin. He had a "My First Halloween" hat and bib, and a spooky onsie. Cadan and Oliver were Spiderman, Connor was Batman, and Carson was Superman. They ate way too much candy. That's what Halloween is all about!
Ahhh, it feels so good to look back at a day and know that it was good. I am trying to cherish that feeling. I want more of these days.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Still MIA, but I am planning a comeback...
So, I have neglected my blog. Life has been crazy busy since Corbin arrived, and I went back to work. I barely have time to breathe. Tonight was the first night this week that I have actually had dinner.
I miss the boys so much when I am at work. It is so hard to walk out that door in the mornings.
I want to be able to take Cadan to school. I have this crazy, irrational fear that his preschool teacher thinks that I am an absent Mom, since I never get to take him to school. I am off tomorrow, so plan on taking him. They are having a Halloween party, and a costume parade. I cannot wait!
I will try to come back soon.
I miss the boys so much when I am at work. It is so hard to walk out that door in the mornings.
I want to be able to take Cadan to school. I have this crazy, irrational fear that his preschool teacher thinks that I am an absent Mom, since I never get to take him to school. I am off tomorrow, so plan on taking him. They are having a Halloween party, and a costume parade. I cannot wait!
I will try to come back soon.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
So I have been MIA...
for a little over a month. It's been a busy month!
The most exciting thing that happened in August, by far, was the birth of my fourth son, Corbin Gabriel, on August 27th. He weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces, and he was 19 1/4 inches long. He has really dark hair, but not a lot of it. He is such a joy! The older boys are just thrilled with their new brother, although they do need time to adjust. Connor has cried more in the last month than he has in his whole life. First Cadan left him, when he started pre k, and then Corbin came home, and well, it's just been a little much for him to deal with.
I will try to get Corbin's birth story on here soon.
The most exciting thing that happened in August, by far, was the birth of my fourth son, Corbin Gabriel, on August 27th. He weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces, and he was 19 1/4 inches long. He has really dark hair, but not a lot of it. He is such a joy! The older boys are just thrilled with their new brother, although they do need time to adjust. Connor has cried more in the last month than he has in his whole life. First Cadan left him, when he started pre k, and then Corbin came home, and well, it's just been a little much for him to deal with.
I will try to get Corbin's birth story on here soon.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
It's been a good week...
I haven't cried much this week. In fact, I think that it has been a few days since my last cry. This is a good thing.
The boys are growing up and doing well. They were all weighed this week. Connor is tipping the scales at 42.5 pounds now, at just under 29 months old. He is going to be a big guy! Cadan is 44 pounds and Carson is 28 pounds. They are happy and healthy, for the most part, other than the occasional ear infection. For this, I am very grateful.
I am now 37 weeks pregnant with my fourth son. Corbin Gabriel could arrive any time now, and I am so excited to meet him. When I had my OB checkup last week, it was estimated that he weighed around 8 pounds already! I know that is just a guess, and probably not accurate. I just hope that he is healthy. All signs point to healthy.
Steve's recovery has plateaued in recent weeks. There has been no progress on the paralysis in his face. At this point, I think that hope of recovering on his own is all but lost. We will return to his neurosurgeon at the end of this month. The next step will be surgery. That is a scary possibility, but so is the possibility of never being able to close your eyes again.
Cadan will be starting preschool on Tuesday. He is very excited! We made our very first school shopping trip Friday. He has several new outfits and new shoes, along with a new Spiderman backpack and lunchbox. Thanks to Nana. I felt some sadness that we are unable to purchase the things that he needs to start school ourselves, but blessed to have parents that are able to help us.
My parents have been such a blessing throughout this ordeal. They have provided for our mortgage payment, utility payments, groceries. They have really been amazing. Of course, there have been others who have helped as well, friends, even online friends, our church, other family members, and co workers. I have felt much love the past few months. Another thing for which I am very grateful.
It is really amazing to see the community come together in a time of crisis. I have no only received financial support, but also much needed emotional support. This blog and the online community that I belong to has been an amazing source of support. I appreciate each and every encouraging word.
I feel like we are about to round a corner. I feel like there is hope somewhere, a light at the end of the tunnel. That is a nice feeling.
The boys are growing up and doing well. They were all weighed this week. Connor is tipping the scales at 42.5 pounds now, at just under 29 months old. He is going to be a big guy! Cadan is 44 pounds and Carson is 28 pounds. They are happy and healthy, for the most part, other than the occasional ear infection. For this, I am very grateful.
I am now 37 weeks pregnant with my fourth son. Corbin Gabriel could arrive any time now, and I am so excited to meet him. When I had my OB checkup last week, it was estimated that he weighed around 8 pounds already! I know that is just a guess, and probably not accurate. I just hope that he is healthy. All signs point to healthy.
Steve's recovery has plateaued in recent weeks. There has been no progress on the paralysis in his face. At this point, I think that hope of recovering on his own is all but lost. We will return to his neurosurgeon at the end of this month. The next step will be surgery. That is a scary possibility, but so is the possibility of never being able to close your eyes again.
Cadan will be starting preschool on Tuesday. He is very excited! We made our very first school shopping trip Friday. He has several new outfits and new shoes, along with a new Spiderman backpack and lunchbox. Thanks to Nana. I felt some sadness that we are unable to purchase the things that he needs to start school ourselves, but blessed to have parents that are able to help us.
My parents have been such a blessing throughout this ordeal. They have provided for our mortgage payment, utility payments, groceries. They have really been amazing. Of course, there have been others who have helped as well, friends, even online friends, our church, other family members, and co workers. I have felt much love the past few months. Another thing for which I am very grateful.
It is really amazing to see the community come together in a time of crisis. I have no only received financial support, but also much needed emotional support. This blog and the online community that I belong to has been an amazing source of support. I appreciate each and every encouraging word.
I feel like we are about to round a corner. I feel like there is hope somewhere, a light at the end of the tunnel. That is a nice feeling.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The small things that make me happy
I was just sitting on the porch, listening to the thunder coming closer and closer. I love the smell of a coming rain. I love the way the air feels just a bit heavy. I love those first precious raindrops.
You know, every day I appreciate things that are new. Today, as Steve was hanging his laundry in his closet, I saw a glimpse of the old Steve. He is still just the same, the same man I have loved for years, for what seems like all my life. He is still as handsome as ever, even if his smile only works on one side of his face. I remember the scary days that I didn't think that I would ever see that smile again. I am grateful to see it at all.
And then there are my boys.... My joy. My loves. My Cars has the biggest smile you have ever seen, and eyes that sparkle like no others. My Connor... he talks more every day. I love his little voice, and all his questions. And my Cadan, or Cadybug as well call him most of the time. He is such a brave, sweet little soul. He is growing up way too fast.
You know, every day I appreciate things that are new. Today, as Steve was hanging his laundry in his closet, I saw a glimpse of the old Steve. He is still just the same, the same man I have loved for years, for what seems like all my life. He is still as handsome as ever, even if his smile only works on one side of his face. I remember the scary days that I didn't think that I would ever see that smile again. I am grateful to see it at all.
And then there are my boys.... My joy. My loves. My Cars has the biggest smile you have ever seen, and eyes that sparkle like no others. My Connor... he talks more every day. I love his little voice, and all his questions. And my Cadan, or Cadybug as well call him most of the time. He is such a brave, sweet little soul. He is growing up way too fast.
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