So what's the point?

So what exactly is the point of my long, long four part story? I really don't know. The truth is, I am not yet far enough removed from the situation to know what the point might be.

Is there a lesson that I should have learned? I don't know that either. I don't think that me or my family did anything to deserve the pain that we have endured the past 5 weeks, especially my children.

The boys break my heart. I see them look at their Daddy in a new way now. Daddy is not invincible. That is a sad reality for little ones to have to face. Connor and Carson will probably not remember any of this, but I fear that Cadan will always remember the pain and the tears.

I cry every single day. I don't want to. I would love to have many days with no tears. Every day is just so damn sad. I know I am lucky that Steve survived such a horrific accident. I know this, but this knowledge does not ease the pain. Oh, yes, and the fact that I am 30 weeks pregnant doesn't help either.

I just crave normalcy. That doing the same thing over and over routine of life. I just want that. Again.

I also don't want my husband to be in such pain, to have double vision. I want to see his smile and hear his normal voice.

I am just too emotional today...