I am so happy this work week is over. I am really liking my schedule, working 10 hours per day Monday through Thursday. I get three days with the boys!
We don't have any big plans this weekend. Tomorrow I have to take Corbin in for his first round of vaccinations. I am not looking forward to that. I am looking forward to getting his weight. I am guessing that he is over 12 pounds already. That little guy is doing some growing!
I also have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I am see an orthopedic hand specialist for my right wrist and hand. It has been hurting so bad this week. It seems to have come on quickly. I hope that it is something that can be treated easily.
Cadan has to take something to school tomorrow that starts with the letter I. I have no idea what to send. I will call my Mom for suggestions. She always has good ideas.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The tide seems to be turning...
and it is just a little bit scary.
I have had two really good days in a row. Two days of no arguing with Steve. Two days of enjoying the boys. Just two really nice, ordinary days.
Life seems to be falling into place. Days seem to be happy. Although, I must admit, I feel as if the rug will be pulled out from under my happy days at any second.
I sound so very ungrateful. I have many, many blessings I am blessed beyond measure. All these blessings have just come with hard lessons, especially the past 6 months.
Steve's accident fundamentally changed our lives. He no longer has the ability to provide for the family, that responsibility falls to me now. I no longer have the ability to take unpaid days off work, or be frivolous, in any way, with our money. Not that we were very frivolous before the accident, but we had some leeway. We had some luxuries then, and we still do now, they are just not as numerous.
It's not all about the money, though, not at all. Steve has always been one of the strongest (physically) people that I know. Now, he struggles with picking up the boys and playing with them. Each and every day is painful for him. His headaches are dibilatating. You can see the pain all over him. It hurt so much to see it. I have never know him to even take Tylenol on a regular basis.
The emotional impact of the accident has been tremendous. I have this anger that eats at me. As we were speaking with our attorney today, and he was going through the assets of the defendant, I felt the anger grow to an almost uncontrollable level. Not because I want anything that he has. Just because I want to change the decision that he made not to spend the small amount of money that it would have taken to fix the damn fence, and keep his livestock in the pasture. Steve's anger, well, it is almost undesirable at times.
Despite it all, as we come to the six month mark, we are stronger than ever before. Suddenly, it seems, the tide has turned. Suddenly, I feel hopeful again. Suddenly, life seems fun again.
I have had two really good days in a row. Two days of no arguing with Steve. Two days of enjoying the boys. Just two really nice, ordinary days.
Life seems to be falling into place. Days seem to be happy. Although, I must admit, I feel as if the rug will be pulled out from under my happy days at any second.
I sound so very ungrateful. I have many, many blessings I am blessed beyond measure. All these blessings have just come with hard lessons, especially the past 6 months.
Steve's accident fundamentally changed our lives. He no longer has the ability to provide for the family, that responsibility falls to me now. I no longer have the ability to take unpaid days off work, or be frivolous, in any way, with our money. Not that we were very frivolous before the accident, but we had some leeway. We had some luxuries then, and we still do now, they are just not as numerous.
It's not all about the money, though, not at all. Steve has always been one of the strongest (physically) people that I know. Now, he struggles with picking up the boys and playing with them. Each and every day is painful for him. His headaches are dibilatating. You can see the pain all over him. It hurt so much to see it. I have never know him to even take Tylenol on a regular basis.
The emotional impact of the accident has been tremendous. I have this anger that eats at me. As we were speaking with our attorney today, and he was going through the assets of the defendant, I felt the anger grow to an almost uncontrollable level. Not because I want anything that he has. Just because I want to change the decision that he made not to spend the small amount of money that it would have taken to fix the damn fence, and keep his livestock in the pasture. Steve's anger, well, it is almost undesirable at times.
Despite it all, as we come to the six month mark, we are stronger than ever before. Suddenly, it seems, the tide has turned. Suddenly, I feel hopeful again. Suddenly, life seems fun again.
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