A Quiet Night...

Without children. What a treat! I am so excited to get to sleep through the night with interruption! Too bad I have to go to work in the morning.

A very sad day.

Our beloved Pastor moved on to Heaven this morning. I know that right now he is rejoicing and singing with the angels.

Papa was so much more than your typical Pastor. He was larger than life, loud, and loving. He always made me feel like I was in the presence of someone who truly knew the Lord. He will be missed greatly.

It is our selfishness that makes us sad on this day. Papa is with his Jesus. This was that "one glad morning" that he always sang about.

Fly away, Papa, fly away.

The kids schedule is busy!

Birthday parties every weekend, school events, the list can go on and on.

How am I going to manage when all 4 boys are doing different activities? I don't think I considered that when I decided to have 4 kids.

The baby is sick again. Poor guy, he has been sick so much. He has had RSV, pneumonia, a double ear infection, and now a new ear infection, or it could just be lingering from 3 weeks ago. I am just ready for him to be well.

I made the best dinner!

Well, I thought so anyway.

Damn it! I started Weight Watchers last week, and I am not doing so well.

Anyway, I made a London Broil, marinated, with sauteed onions and mushrooms. Homemade mac n' cheese, baked potatoes, and steamed broccoli. It was good! This was my first time making London Broil. I looked at a few recipes online first. Then I just threw some things we had around together, and made a marinade.

We didn't have dessert. I like dessert after a good meal.

Ok, now back to the Weight Watchers.

A vacation day!

I took the day off to stay home with the boys. Corbin didn't sleep that well last night, and well, I just needed a break. It will be a nice one since I am usually off on Thursday and Friday. So I get a 3 day weekend in the middle of the week!!

The rest of the weeks is packed full of activity. Tomorrow, I take Connor and Carson for their 2 & 3 year pictures. I am so excited! I haven't been able to afford to take them since their last birthdays. I am hopeful that they turn out well.

Friday, Connor, Carson, & Corbin will all have their well checks. I am not looking forward to this. I love their peditrician, though, so it won't be too bad. His nurse is great, too.

So, this morning, I am relaxing, as much as I can with 3 little ones here, and having some coffee.

Today was one of those days...

You know, one of those perfect early Spring days. Just an ordinary day. The same type of day that fooled me before, the day of Steve's accident.

We are rapidly approaching the one year anniversary. I can't imagine how I am going to deal with the day, after the way I didn't handle a day like the day very well.

It's like I could relive it minute by minute. The accident happened just about NOW. I was cooking dinner, and getting annoyed that Steve wasn't there yet. He was laying in the ditch, starting the fight of and for his life. I was still just making tacos. I had no idea.

Shouldn't I have felt something? Shouldn't I have felt a jolt, a cold chill, something? Why was I so clueless?

Ya, I know that last paragraph was totally irrational. I am not real good at rational on bad days.

It's Monday Again!

The start of another work week....

Someone doesn't seem to mind>>>>>>>>>

That's baby Corbin. He is a doll baby. He is the sweetest baby on the planet. He has 2 teeth now, and he is almost 20 pounds.

Lazy Sunday!

The boys and I are just hanging out today. Carson is sitting right beside me on the computer desk, Corbin is napping with Steve, Connor is playing his PSP (Vsmile Pocket), and Cadan is just relaxing on the Spiderman couch. This is a great way to start the new week!

Today is a better day.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks at work. I have been working overtime, which is rare.

I decided I should take my day off today instead of working an extra shift. I think that was a smart move. I feel better already. I did wake up with a better attitude. I am home with my boys. I have missed them so much this week.

So, today I feel grateful. Grateful for my many, many blessings.

• I have 4 beautiful, healthy boys.
• I have a good job. A job that allows me to provide for my family.
• I have a wonderful family.
• My Mom is my best friend.
• I have a wonderful support system.
• I am making it happen. I keep on going with the Grace of God.

There is so much more. Much, much more.

So, I'm just tired.

I am so tired. I am tired of being sad, tired of being lonely. I am just damn tired.

I miss my life. I miss what could have/should have been.

Steve and I had the best 2 weeks of our marriage in the weeks before his accident. He doesn't remember those weeks. That really sucks. I barely remember them now, I just remember the peace. I want some peace.

I want my husband to feel well. I want to jump out of the bed for a new adventure in the morning. I want some normalcy.

So, what? I have so much to be grateful for. Here I whine where the whole world can hear me and what I should be doing is praising God that I have all the blessings that I do. I have the best little boys in the world. They are just.....They are awesome.

I need to just focus. Focus on the positive, much easier said than done.

Tomorrow I want to wake up with a better attitude.