I was just sitting on the porch, listening to the thunder coming closer and closer. I love the smell of a coming rain. I love the way the air feels just a bit heavy. I love those first precious raindrops.
You know, every day I appreciate things that are new. Today, as Steve was hanging his laundry in his closet, I saw a glimpse of the old Steve. He is still just the same, the same man I have loved for years, for what seems like all my life. He is still as handsome as ever, even if his smile only works on one side of his face. I remember the scary days that I didn't think that I would ever see that smile again. I am grateful to see it at all.
And then there are my boys.... My joy. My loves. My Cars has the biggest smile you have ever seen, and eyes that sparkle like no others. My Connor... he talks more every day. I love his little voice, and all his questions. And my Cadan, or Cadybug as well call him most of the time. He is such a brave, sweet little soul. He is growing up way too fast.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Longing for easy times...
My blog is probably no fun to read. Some day it will be again.
Some day soon I will fill the pages with stories of my boys. I will tell you about how in love I am with my newborn baby. I will cry happy tears as I write these entries. I hope those days come soon.
Today, I am not there yet. I am in mourning for my life as it was. I want my children to have a normal schedule. I want my husband to be whole again. I want a day to pass that I don't cry, or worry, or feel like crawling in a hole.
I have always said that I would teach my children that life is not fair. HA! Life has really taught me that lately. I thought I knew, I thought I knew. I am so sad that that my boys are having to learn these hard lessons already. I know Carson and Connor are too young to know a whole lot about what is going on, but my Cadan feels it. I can see it on his face and in his spirit. That hurts me to my very core. I just want to protect my babies.
I worry so much about this baby I am carrying, baby Corbin. Has he been traumatized by all the events that have happened? I pray that he is healthy and happy.
Some day soon I will fill the pages with stories of my boys. I will tell you about how in love I am with my newborn baby. I will cry happy tears as I write these entries. I hope those days come soon.
Today, I am not there yet. I am in mourning for my life as it was. I want my children to have a normal schedule. I want my husband to be whole again. I want a day to pass that I don't cry, or worry, or feel like crawling in a hole.
I have always said that I would teach my children that life is not fair. HA! Life has really taught me that lately. I thought I knew, I thought I knew. I am so sad that that my boys are having to learn these hard lessons already. I know Carson and Connor are too young to know a whole lot about what is going on, but my Cadan feels it. I can see it on his face and in his spirit. That hurts me to my very core. I just want to protect my babies.
I worry so much about this baby I am carrying, baby Corbin. Has he been traumatized by all the events that have happened? I pray that he is healthy and happy.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Breaking Point
Breaking point... That is where I feel like I am today.
The culmination of the events of the past 2 months is really starting to wear on me. I am close to a total breakdown. I know that I have to find a way to hold it together, for myself, for Steve, for the kids, for the baby I am still carrying.
I had an OB checkup on Friday, I am now 32 weeks along. I have gained a slight amount, 3 pounds, over the past 2 weeks. This is a milestone for me, as I have not yet been able to make any weight gains this pregnancy. I told my OB about the contractions I had earlier in the week. He decided to do a fetal fibronectin test (fFN) to try to predict pre-term labor. Unfortunately, we received a positive result on Saturday. I was given steroid injections Saturday and Sunday to help that baby's lungs develop, in case he does arrive early. Now I am on "modified bed rest."
I am so worried about this little baby that has had to endure so much stress in my womb. I wonder just how this will effect him. I hope and pray that he does not suffer for the trauma of the last two months.
The culmination of the events of the past 2 months is really starting to wear on me. I am close to a total breakdown. I know that I have to find a way to hold it together, for myself, for Steve, for the kids, for the baby I am still carrying.
I had an OB checkup on Friday, I am now 32 weeks along. I have gained a slight amount, 3 pounds, over the past 2 weeks. This is a milestone for me, as I have not yet been able to make any weight gains this pregnancy. I told my OB about the contractions I had earlier in the week. He decided to do a fetal fibronectin test (fFN) to try to predict pre-term labor. Unfortunately, we received a positive result on Saturday. I was given steroid injections Saturday and Sunday to help that baby's lungs develop, in case he does arrive early. Now I am on "modified bed rest."
I am so worried about this little baby that has had to endure so much stress in my womb. I wonder just how this will effect him. I hope and pray that he does not suffer for the trauma of the last two months.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)