I never knew how much I would appreciate bedtime until I had kids of my own. I remember when I was a kid, Mom & Dad would make Donna & I go to bed at 8 pm every single night. I thought that they were mean people at the time. I thought that they just wanted us out of their hair. I was right.
I guess it's not exactly that I want the kids out of my hair at bedtime. There are other good reasons for bedtime. Sleep for example. They needs lots of it to be functioning little humans. I know I need lots to function well, and well, I don't get that much, especially when I let the bedtime routine slip.
So I enjoy a few hours of the quiet of the night, after bedtime. This is the time when I can relax, or not. I can blog, or not. I can lurk at my favorite message board. I love that place. It's my "home" on the net.
I truly believe if not for the prayers sent out from around the world from the friends on my message board, my husband would not be here today. I think that desperate post was the smartest thing that I have ever done. I cried out to anyone who could hear me to please pray. They did. I just wonder how many people were reached, how many cries went out to God that night on our behalf. Certainly, my "home" on the net did not fail me. Those folks held my hand through the darkest days of my life. It was truly amazing the comfort received from virtual strangers. This is not to say that those I know in real life were not equally amazing.
These are the things I think about in the quiet of the night.
I ofter wonder how things would have turned out had I chose not to post "Prayers desperately needed." Indeed, prayers were desperately needed that night, and they were answered. Those dark days I felt so close to God. I felt His presence. I was guided by Faith. I knew that my husband was going to be here with me to raise our children.
Goodnight.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Back to normal.
He finally looks "normal" again. His smile is back. If he heard me say that he would laugh and say that there is nothing normal about him.
Looking "normal" is not important, though. Not at all. It's the feeling of normal that is important. We have a routine, we eat dinner together. We enjoy each other's company. We are normal. We are a normal family, a normal couple, who had a near miss. We are going to be okay. He is going to be okay. Life is going to be okay. This is a feeling that I missed a lot. In fact, I had no idea how much I missed it until I just felt it. I was just sitting here in the back yard, talking with Steve, watching the kids play, and I looked at him and thought, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks, all at once. It's a very nice feeling.
Steve can do almost anything that he could do prior to the accident. Some days are still rough. Sometimes he helps my Dad for a few days. He and I have been working on painting the house. Right now he is under the house working on the plumbing. Jacob, his best friend, is still around, and I am so grateful for that. Most of his friends disappeared after the accident and that really hurt him. Sometimes he still slurs when he is really tired, and his face will still droop occasionally. If you never met him before the accident, you would never know.
He spends much more time with me and the kids, he is funnier and funner than ever. He tells jokes again! He smiles all the time. We talk a lot more, we love a lot better. We are friends again. We are going to make it. Our marriage feels stronger than it ever has. I think that we have survived and we are going to continue to make it.We were finally at a good place when the accident happened. Steve and I have always had a rough marriage, not bad, not great. There were lots of trust issues, and I was finally getting over them. We were getting along, the bills were paid, we started working the same shift the week before the accident. We had big plans. Then it felt like the world crumbled.
This is going to probably sound really selfish, but here goes. I feel like I am over it. The past is what it is, and it is time to go on. We have so many things to be grateful for, beautiful healthy children, birth control, I have a good job. We are healthy. I am getting the help I need for my emotional issues, and I own them now, I don't feel trapped by them. I am ready to start losing some of the 100 pounds I have gained and taking care of myself and my family. I even went and had a hair cut and color the other day. It felt so good, and it's been a LONG time.
So, life feels good again.
Thanks for reading.
Looking "normal" is not important, though. Not at all. It's the feeling of normal that is important. We have a routine, we eat dinner together. We enjoy each other's company. We are normal. We are a normal family, a normal couple, who had a near miss. We are going to be okay. He is going to be okay. Life is going to be okay. This is a feeling that I missed a lot. In fact, I had no idea how much I missed it until I just felt it. I was just sitting here in the back yard, talking with Steve, watching the kids play, and I looked at him and thought, WOW! It hit me like a ton of bricks, all at once. It's a very nice feeling.
Steve can do almost anything that he could do prior to the accident. Some days are still rough. Sometimes he helps my Dad for a few days. He and I have been working on painting the house. Right now he is under the house working on the plumbing. Jacob, his best friend, is still around, and I am so grateful for that. Most of his friends disappeared after the accident and that really hurt him. Sometimes he still slurs when he is really tired, and his face will still droop occasionally. If you never met him before the accident, you would never know.
He spends much more time with me and the kids, he is funnier and funner than ever. He tells jokes again! He smiles all the time. We talk a lot more, we love a lot better. We are friends again. We are going to make it. Our marriage feels stronger than it ever has. I think that we have survived and we are going to continue to make it.We were finally at a good place when the accident happened. Steve and I have always had a rough marriage, not bad, not great. There were lots of trust issues, and I was finally getting over them. We were getting along, the bills were paid, we started working the same shift the week before the accident. We had big plans. Then it felt like the world crumbled.
This is going to probably sound really selfish, but here goes. I feel like I am over it. The past is what it is, and it is time to go on. We have so many things to be grateful for, beautiful healthy children, birth control, I have a good job. We are healthy. I am getting the help I need for my emotional issues, and I own them now, I don't feel trapped by them. I am ready to start losing some of the 100 pounds I have gained and taking care of myself and my family. I even went and had a hair cut and color the other day. It felt so good, and it's been a LONG time.
So, life feels good again.
Thanks for reading.
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