Divorce.
It's so common it's not really that shocking, unless it's happening to you.
Steve & I have have now been separated since October 1st, save for 10 days in which I thought I could and would do anything necessary to keep my family together. Those were probably some of the worst 10 days of my life.
Obviously, I wasn't able to do all the things necessary to keep my marriage together. There was just no way around it... It was over and done with, and there was absolutely no way to reconcile.
So, it's been 6, almost 7 months now since we separated. I filed for divorce on November 21st. It has gotten pretty nasty, there are Orders of Protection on both sides.
We have a crazy visitation schedule... one week he has the boys from 4:30 pm to 8:30 pm on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then it's my weekend to have them, the next week he has them from 4:30 to 8:30 on Tuesday and Thursday, and then it's his weekend. Steve & I agreed to this schedule back when things were amicable, and my thought was that Corbin, being only 3 years old, shouldn't go more than 3, or at most 4, days between seeing either parent. I had read some research showing that however old the child is, they should go no longer than that between seeing either parent.
This has turned out to be very difficult on my two oldest, Connor, who is in kindergarten, and Cadan, who is in second grade. They have complained about all the back and fourth, and I have tried to propose an alternate schedule, but Steve refuses to listen. I want to change the schedule to him having them every Wednesday from 4:30 pm to 8:30 pm, every Friday night, save for the 4 times per year that there are 5 week in a month, I would get them back at 2 pm on Saturday on my weekends, and he would just keep them until 6 pm on Sunday on his weekends. I feel like that is a more reasonable schedule for the children, and I think Steve knows that it's reasonable, but I think he is just being stubborn and difficult.
So, now my family is completely redefined. My boys have 2 homes, and 2 sets of rules. My dream of the perfect family is shattered. I really thought that if we could make it through the aftermath of Steve's motorcycle accident, we could make it through anything. Oh, but I was SO wrong. In all honestly, my heart is shattered. It breaks a little more everyday, but also heals as I grow stronger and healthier. This is NOT what I wanted for me and Steve and the boys, but as it turns out, I had no other choice.
Finally, and I want to be very clear here... I am writing this carefully as to NOT assign blame on either side. The details as to what ended it all are ugly and I am not willing to share those with the world. Steve & I both made mistakes, and sometimes, you just cannot turn back. This time we couldn't. Now we have lawyers and judges to work it out. Which is also heartbreaking, in and of itself.
So, now comes the hard part, the journey through the justice system. Steve & I butt heads about every single thing. With the Orders of Protection, we are not supposed to even speak to each other. How can we possibly co-parent without speaking? Unfortunately, we really can't. The wheels of justice move slowly, even when the well-being of children is involved. We have been to mediation, and it was a colossal fail. We begin depositions next week. Our third hearing to set child support is also next week. I have yet to receive child support, although he did give me $40 about 6 weeks ago, and $35 when he left. Steve's position is that I should be working full time to support the boys and he should just support them when he has them for visitation. My position is that I was a stay at home Mom for about a year before we split up, we had agreed as a family that I would be a stay at home Mom. I believe he needs to continue to support his children.
So... I continue to make it day by day. I have found some wonderful support from places I would have never imagined, which is HOW I make it day by day. Redefining your entire life is hard work, but it has to be done for my 4 boys.
